Hello beautiful soul;
As you know, pleasing everyone is impossible, but for some reason, we still want to please at least some people, am I right? No matter how hard humans try, some people will never be pleased, so staying away from them is important. Today, I will not talk about narcissists and how to spot them; I will answer 3 questions: Why do we want to please people? How can we improve our self-esteem? How long does it take?
When you expose yourself online, as you have probably noticed, some people like your content, and you also find some haters that appear out of nowhere and criticize you. It is interesting because they have no idea who you really are or what you do or offer, but they share hate messages. As you know, hurt people hurt, and angry people want to make others angry. So I say, “thanks for sharing your thoughts.” From experience, I know that it is a waste of time to explain to them to understand that you want to do good because they made whatever comment they did to start an argument. They do feel frustrated when you don’t give them that opportunity, so in some cases, they attack again until they realize they won’t get anywhere. So why do we tend to explain that we are good people? Why do we want to please people?
Why Do We Want To Please People?
If we go back to our ancestors, 1000 years ago, their lives depended on being accepted by the tribe. They had to follow very strict rules; they had to focus on not getting killed, so they had to be prepared to run away from tigers, bears, snakes, you name it. They had to stick to what was familiar. If someone began to act differently or had a revolutionary idea, it was frowned upon because it was unfamiliar and felt dangerous.
Now we live in a very different time, we live in a multicultural tribe, and whoever stands out it’s because they are outstanding. The thing is, most of the people have the old coding from our ancestors in them. They still want to run away, maybe not from animals but the critic of someone else, run away from success, run away from making an impact; why? Because it is unfamiliar. What is unfamiliar might not please everyone.
We all want a tribe. If you found something different, something that has worked for you, you want to share it with others, you want others to accept it, others to be pleased, others to be part of your tribe. People need people; that is why we want to please others.
It is important to aim in the right direction, though. For example, if you imagine two tribes, the tribe of the builders and the tribe of the life coaches, you would find that they could get along, but at their core values, they are very different. So, wanting to convince a builder to change to the life coaching tribe or the other way around would be very unlikely or forced. The best is to welcome those who voluntarily want to join the different tribes.
How Can You Improve Your Self-Esteem?
There is nothing in the world that can boost your self-esteem more than your own praise. When someone is pleased, they might say, “thank you,” or, “that was awesome,” maybe they smile. We never know, but I have noticed that we all have a secret wish list of what we would like others to say to us.
Whatever you want a client, a partner, a boss, a kid to say to you, you say it to yourself. If you imagine what someone who loved you would say to you, it would be something like this: “I love being with you, you are amazing, you have helped me so much I have no words, I love you, the energy you put into things is inspiring, thank you for being exactly who you are, you are enough, I absolutely admire you.” You say this, and your self-esteem will grow phenomenally; it will rocket through the sky.
It might feel weird initially, but eventually, it will stop feeling unfamiliar and feel familiar. You will understand that you are only telling the truth; you are a phenomenal person.
How Long Does It Take To Have A Great Self-Esteem?
It is a lifelong journey. Of course, it will grow more and more as time goes by and you talk kindly to yourself. If you look back to your teenage years, I am sure your self-esteem is A LOT better now than before. The same will happen in the future, yet it will be a lifelong journey, and it will be easier the wiser we grow. Every soul has experienced different things, so the path is different than the path of others. If you decide to compare, compare your journey only with your past self, never with someone else’s journey. There are too many things that would make that unfair for both of you. Every soul is a unique universe and should be accepted as it is; we might be similar in some areas, but never the same.
Let it be, enjoy your journey. Talk to your tribe, support with the great value those who are interested in joining, and let the haters pass by while they find their own tribe.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post; if you have any insights to share, aha-moments, or anything to complement, I would love to read you.
I send you a big warm hug.